We also got to find out the gender of our sweet little peanut. We found out we are having a little boy!
I have debated back and forth what all I have wanted to share about my pregnancy and the complications we are experiencing. I know I have been MIA to a lot of people. I had to quit my favorite job ever, Jimmy Johns. I haven't been at church, and I have missed a lot of my close friends events for weddings and baby showers.
At my 20 week anatomy scan after we got to see our healthy little boy, the ultrasound tech scans other organs and important parts of the mother. At this point in time our ultrasound tech noticed that there were abnormalities with my cervix. After agreeing to a second ultrasound just to look at my cervix it was discovered that I have an incompetent cervix. You can google this more, but essentially my cervix is preparing for labor earlier then expected and is not functioning correctly. We were told that I would need to quit my job, take it easy (modified bed rest), and if we were going to continue to move across the country I would have to fly and even that would be risky. So our move across the country for graduate school has been put on hold until January. They told us that if I were to continue what I was doing, with how much I was working, I would deliver in the next 2 weeks. There is a lot of debate on what to do with first time moms when this is discovered because they do not have previous measurements to go off of and for the most part do not proceed with a cerclage (a procedure where they stitch the cervix shut.) Our life completely changed that day, I cried every day, all day for a week at the thought of losing my little boy. We were pretty much just a part of a big waiting game at that point. I am thankful for a tech who spotted a problem because this sort of thing is usually not caught until after you lose your first baby around 20-24 weeks.
As weeks went by it became harder to take it easy. Taking progesterone was wearing on me because for the first time through a relatively symptom free pregnancy I was dizzy and nauseous. We went in at week 21 and 22 to receive more ultrasounds. At week 22 our little boy was breech and so low you could see his little toes in my cervix, which explained the fun little kicks I had been feeling. At this time my doctor did not feel it necessary to continue with weekly ultrasounds, and asked us to come back in two weeks. At that appointment it was planned for me to receive a cool test called fetal fibronectin test. This tests looks for a certain chemical in your body that is released about two weeks prior of going into labor. It is often used to evaluate high risk patients.
In the meanwhile Jackson and I got ready to graduate. My parents came into town along with Jacksons' mom and brother. I was still trying to take it as easy as possible but it was proving a little harder. We decided that I should take the opportunity to walk and celebrate for graduation. I did not walk for my high school graduation because I graduated early. We tried to sit down as much as possible while we were waiting for everything to start and my family drove me right up to the doors. It was a long day and I definitely felt it, but I was so happy to see my favorite teachers and to walk with Jackson.
My appointment the next day I received the fetal fibronectin test and my doctor said, "Well this is going to be a positive because you are already dilated to a 2 or 3 with bulging membranes. We are doing a cerclage today." He talked to us for another minute and then left to start sending over things to the hospital and get release forms for me to sign. I was speechless. The next thing I know the nurse practitioner comes back in with my first shot of steroids for my little boys lungs. Jackson and my mom hugged me as I received the shot on my hip. I sat down and I was in shock. The doctor came back in and explained what we would do from there. We were to go home get some things then head to the hospital. He also told us that the chances of my little boy surviving at 23 weeks and 6 days was not likely, and if he did he would most likely suffer from cognitive delays along with a bunch of other problems.
We walked out of the office and the tears would not stop. I sobbed all the way home. As we walked into our home I saw the stroller we had picked out, the pack and play, the little clothes we had started to accumulate and I lost it. I didn't want to return to this place without my little boy in my arms or still inside my body.
We said a prayer together, and headed to the hospital. Once we were at the hospital and situated Jackson gave me a blessing. A feeling of peace washed over me like I had never experienced. I was able to stop crying and accept what was in store for us, whatever that might be.
I was admitted to the hospital around noon and because I had eaten a small breakfast I had to wait until around 6 to receive my surgery. I was not experiencing any contractions which was a plus because it kept me from needing extra meds like magnesium. All they had me on was a iv for electrolytes incase I was dehydrated. I was able to visit with our family that came for our graduation before they were scheduled to leave that day.
As 6 o'clock rolled around nurses came in to talk with me and take vitals. The anesthesiologist came and talked to me about all the terrifying risks of the surgery along with all the possible risks and side effects of receiving a spinal which is what is recommended for this procedure. It numbs everything from the waist down. They wheeled my bed into the c-section OR. It was cold and bright. Once all the doctors and nurses were there I was moved onto the table and turned on my side to receive the spinal. Usually the patient sits up for it but because they didn't want any added pressure on my cervix they had me laying down. A nurse held my hand as I felt my back being washed and numbed. Then a moment later I felt a pinch and different twinges on my hips and then everything from my belly button down became warm and then it felt like my whole lore body was going to sleep. I laughed because it was such a weird sensation. They put me back on my back quickly while I could still kind of help maneuver my lower body and they put warm blankets on me. My arms were strapped down and next thing I know I had a mask on my face making me a little sleepy and relaxed. Then my legs went up in the air and a sheet went up so I could not see anything except the heads of the doctor. It's not a natural instinct of many to be comfortable with a bunch of people looking at your lady parts, but I literally could not care less at that point. They tilted the table back so my head was closer to the floor and the nurses talked to me about my nails and life in general. They congratulated me for graduating too. I could hear the doctor and my original midwife (who I went to in the beginning until I was told I was high risk) talking about what was going on. It's foggy but I swear I remember asking if that was a toe she saw, maybe it was the drugs... who knows. Towards the end of the procedure I started to shake, I felt so cold. A nurse held my hand to try and warm me up and put another warm blanket on me.
Soon I was done. my legs came down. I was moved back to my bed, my midwife thanked me for letting her be there even though I don't think she asked me. She just kept saying how cool it was to see. Warm blankets were piled on me and as I was wheeled into the hallway I burst into tears. It hit me. It was successful and my little boy was going to stay put a little longer! I thanked my heavenly father and my doctor and nurses as they wheeled me back down the hall. I just kept saying thank you through tears to everyone. Jackson looked so relieved and held my hand as I was still pretty shaky. I received 10 stitches and everything went wonderfully.
That night in the hospital was rough, I barely slept at all. As the spinal wore of I was crampy and I was woken up every few hours to get my vitals taken. My bed was leaned downwards so my head was down and my legs were up. I also was hooked up to leg cuffs to keep the blood in my legs circulating to prevent blood clots. I also had the blood pressure cuff on my arm that would automatically take my blood pressure every 30 minutes. Jackson slept by my side and helped me with everything throughout the night. Watching Harry Potter helped me get through the night.
The next day I was beyond tired, but my recovery was looking good. Our little boys heartbeat was good, and I didn't have any contractions. On the monitor you could hear his heart beat and hear it moving away and get closer. Then all of a sudden you would hear him kick the monitor and then move away. He did it the entire time the monitor was on and it was really entertaining! I was given medication every 6 hours to help stop contractions. I was also on the lucky receiving end of a sponge bath. Even though it was weird, it did make me feel more human. I was also allowed to sit up for meals. The following day I received the good news that later that evening I would get to go home. I was even allowed up to go to the bathroom! It's really the little things that make a big difference. I ended up dozing the day away and after dinner they were getting ready to release me and I asked to take a shower and make sure I could handle that before leaving. It was the best 5 minutes ever. It was nice to put on actual clothes and wash my hair a little. I was told that if I followed my bed rest rules to a T then I would not have to come back for a while. While at home I am to stay in bed and only get up to go the the restroom and to shower for a few minutes.
Tomorrow will mark 3 weeks since I had my surgery. I will be 27 weeks (or into my 7th month) and entering into my 3rd trimester. Our little boy has a better chance of surviving and from this point on if he comes early, he is less likely to have long term cognitive delays. I am still at risk of delivering early, but the odds are in our favor. When I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix I did not think I would make it this far. I have been in bed for almost 7 weeks and it has been hard. I don't like feeling like I need charity or to feel helpless. I also feel fine to get up and move around, but I am not allowed which has made this hard. I am so thankful though for the prayers, the meals from friends and the ward. We have seen such amazing support and we are so thankful. I know Heavenly Father has a plan in store for us and our family, though it may be hard it is worth it.
